One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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