yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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