And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
