Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
