Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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