is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
