apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize