One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
