This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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