I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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