I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
