How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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