Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
