I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
