Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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