fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This is the prime rib incident all over again
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
