The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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