It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
