sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
