NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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