just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
