After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
