I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
two words: eviction party
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
God I need to hump something, right now.
There are leaves in my underwear?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
