I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize