I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
