I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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