in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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