I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
