I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
should my penis look like a turkey
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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