thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
