I hate all girls vehemently.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
