what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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