I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
