I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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