Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
