"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
