so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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