He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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