just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
