Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
