Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So vagazzling was a success
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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