booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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