I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize