I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
