It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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