Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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