Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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