im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The Olympian is in my bed
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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