me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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