btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
