Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My penis needs a shock collar
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
