I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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