the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will be naked everywhere
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
