Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize