You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize