marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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