I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
