My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
