You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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