dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
