Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
