no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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